Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you made out with another girl for some wings
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
