I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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