We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
