We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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