She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
