So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
