and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
