i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize