So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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