I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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