her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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