It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
