So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
COCAINE IS GR8
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