I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
