he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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