do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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