everyone is single if you try hard enough
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
