Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
