Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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