Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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