Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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