It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
