I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
