I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
