You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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