That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
