Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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