$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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