Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
