dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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