You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
