I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
