I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize