She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
