I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
