Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
