the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
