I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
