my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
