No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
