My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
