You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize