I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
