My boss' voice literally gives me gas
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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