...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
