you mean i was at the winter classic?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
