Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
