did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
