one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize