i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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