Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
