Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
