mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
