Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
