I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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