Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
