I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
