I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize