You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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