I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
