The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize