I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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