i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
