I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
