Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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