You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so let's talk penis.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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