Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's official drugs can't kill me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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