Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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