It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize