What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
